WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
