I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
