i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
