So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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