Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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