I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
