better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
