my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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