Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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