I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize