There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
