The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
