five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
They are going to name an STD after you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
