i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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