Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
