I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
