So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
