Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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