what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
