But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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