So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Actions speak louder than pants.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
