i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
