im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
