so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
