1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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