My first STD was from a foam party
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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