I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
