Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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