Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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