Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
