Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
