They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
