You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
