Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
