mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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