Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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