I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
