Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
