getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Bring me that man meat
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
