Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
