I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
