just come out here and I will go home with you...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
