I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
