i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
