does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
