I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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