According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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