he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
