My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
