Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
