i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize