I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
