I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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