You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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