I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
