the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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