I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
