I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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