So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
