there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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