why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love having hate sex.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
