walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
