my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
