God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
