I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we made out on top of his cat.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
