ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
