Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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