So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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