You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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