I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
