About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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